WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning, masterful move this week that's being called a fine example of "4D chess," President Trump announced a push for the decriminalization of homosexuality across the globe, immediately forcing his political opponents to bend over backward explaining why they actually disagree with the idea.
As soon as Trump announced the plan, liberal activists across the country began working overtime on editorials, opinion pieces, and tweets explaining why this move actually means that Trump hates LGBT people. They then carefully detailed why true progressives actually need to oppose the decriminalization of LGBT people and practices.
"See, decriminalizing homosexuality is actually bad," one thinkpiece in an LGBT magazine began, "because, well, mainly because Trump is calling for it now. But I will press on for the next 1,000 words trying to justify my sudden reversal on this issue. And if you don't finish reading it, well, you're part of the problem."
Trump told reporters sometimes he just has his staff announce obviously good ideas so that he can laugh as he watches his political opponents try to justify their opposition to them. "Maybe next week I'll come out in favor of pizza so they can explain why it's racist and homophobic," he told his cabinet. "Yeah, that's a great idea. Jot that down!"