New documents confirm the COVID vaccine is only 12% effective! Oh well... they tried. And everyone had fun, didn't they?
Here are a few things that ended up being more effective than the vaccine:
1) CNN+
2) Telling your wife to calm down
3) The prayer of an unrighteous man
4) "No Firearms Allowed" sign
5) Infant Baptism
6) Simply walking into Mordor
7) Wuhan Lab safety protocols
8) Amber Heard's publicist
9) Voting Republican in California
10) Your mom's weight loss program
11) Anti-piracy ads
12) Chiropractors
13) Jeffrey Toobin's "Turn Off Camera" Button
14) Truth Social
15) Public campaign to launch the Governance Disinformation Board
16) SNL
17) Faith without works
18) Blowing up a system that's too remote for an effective demonstration such as Dantooine
19) Defund the police movement
20) Parenting teens
21) Trump's spray tan
22) Pelosi's facelifts
23) Female preaching
24) Kamala Harris
25) Ice-type move against Steel-type Pokémon
Whew! Did that seem like a lot? There's more where that came from but our eyes were starting to glaze over. We have had a harder time focusing ever since our myocarditis scare.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
