WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congress is looking to pass a 1.9 trillion-dollar stimulus package, which experts say will have a highly stimulating effect on the national debt.

"We will pass this stimulus bill without Republican support," said Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "Doing so will help hard-working Americans and breathe fresh new life into our national debt!"

Financial experts from The New York Times' opinion page have long feared that America's national debt is not growing fast enough to sustain their brilliant economic theories, and hope this bill will serve to boost the national debt to more comfortable levels.

There are some detractors in the Democrat party, however. AOC is reportedly upset that the package isn't closer to eleventy-quadrillion dollars, as that would provide much more relief. Ilhan Omar pulled her support for the legislation after finding out that some of the stimulus checks would go to Jews.

Fortunately for the Democrats, both representatives fell in line after Nancy Pelosi threatened to have them hobbled with a sledgehammer by her security detail.