These aren't the good ol' days your grandparents grew up in, when people left their front doors unlocked or parked their cars outside overnight with the keys still in them or trusted the government not to poison them through the food and water supply. In today's world, you never know what they might be slipping into your water.
The Babylon Bee has put together the following list of substances you had no idea the government was adding to your water:
- Soy: All that liberalism has to be coming from somewhere.
- Estrogen: That explains Timothée Chalamet.
- Trace amounts of alcohol: Millions of Baptists just found out they're going to Hell.
- Fluoride: It might strengthen your teeth, but studies show it also makes you gay.
- Nano-bots: Congratulations! You're now a mindless slave to the deep state.
- Rapeseed oil: We're not sure what it is, but it sounds like the worst kind of seed there is.
- Pete Davidson: Don't ask how they do it. Just be afraid.
- Illegal immigrants: They really will sneak in any way they can.
- Pee-pee: The Chinese put it in there as a joke.
- Dihydrogen monoxide: THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL US ALL!
If you're reading this list, it's already too late. Everything above is already coursing through your bloodstream. It was nice knowing you all.
NOT SATIRE: Look, we get that the world is a little crazy right now and your crusty toothpaste tube is the last thing on your mind. We think the whole concept needed an overhaul and that's exactly what our dentist did.
Why? Because fluoride is so last century and squeezing goo from a tube is about as thrilling as watching paint dry. NOBS Toothpaste Tablets change that with an easy-to-use, effective formula. Biöm is here to make brushing your teeth an adventure, minus the dragons.
Forget fluoride and embrace nano hydroxyapatite, the hero ingredient that's here to make your teeth as strong as your opinions. nHA might be a fancy term we're pretty sure was coined by a scientist who wears socks with sandals, but it's the safer alternative to unlocking a life of decay-free, sparkling white teeth.
With NOBS, you're not just cleaning your teeth; you're joining an elite club of rebels who dare to smirk at the status quo.
So, if you're ready to take a stand against the tyranny of traditional toothpaste and embrace a life where every brush is a brush with destiny, NOBS is your weapon of choice.
Switch to biöm's NOBS Toothpaste Tablets and help us turn every cynical chuckle into a force for good. Because who says you can't save the world with a smile?
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.