12 Most Common Questions People Ask God When They Get To Heaven
Theology · Aug 4, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Life can throw some real mysteries your way, and we have all wished we could ask God for a few answers. One day, in the presence of our Lord, we will finally get to ask those burning questions which have kept our tiny little brains awake at night. Here are the twelve most common questions that people ask God when they arrive in Heaven:

  1. Where were you during season 8 of The Office? - Nothing has tested our faith in God's goodness so severely. There was truly only one set of footprints in the sand during those dark days.
  2. Do you really have to wait 30 minutes after eating to get into the pool? - I knew it! Lies, Mother!!
  3. Wait, where are all the cats? - Did they not have souls? Or...
  4. Where is that retainer I lost in middle school? Hoo-boy did we beg to find that one. Dad was a tad bit upset.
  5. What do you think about when someone's singing the 43rd chorus of "Oceans"? - It's not just us humans, right?
  6. When my wife and I had that big fight where she said she told me dozens of times that we were going to her parents' place for dinner, but I KNEW without any doubt that she NEVER told me, I was right, wasn't I? WASN'T I?! - You'd be surprised how often the Almighty gets this exact question.
  7. Why does it smell like updog in here? - Classic!
  8. Why were all the other denominations so incredibly wrong? - Wasn't it so embarrassing for You to watch, oh Lord?
  9. Was the end of Inception a dream? - We HAVE TO KNOW.
  10. Why didn't you grant me Force powers when I prayed for it really really hard? - We would have used them for such a holy purpose! Promise!
  11. What Hogwarts house would I actually be in? - Not Hufflepuff. Please, kind Father!
  12. How do you pronounce "gif"? - And why did I have to lose so many friendships with dummies who pronounced it wrong?

One day, these great mysteries will at last be put to rest when you stand in His presence. That is, if you repent of your sin and accept Christ's Lordship and then may come into His presence (we're looking at you, TODD). What deep, compelling questions are you saving for our God and Creator?

Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.

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