Following the incident over the weekend when Don Lemon joined leftist protesters to invade a Minnesota church service, churches around the country are looking for ways to avoid suffering the same fate.
The Babylon Bee is here to help churches in need by listing the following ways to ward off rioters:
Require them to fill out New Visitor Connection cards: This method is proven to keep people away.
Post Ricki as the door greeter: Once they see the first protester get caught in a conversation with Ricki, the rest will scatter.
Play "Good, Good Father": The perfect deterrent. It's what it is. It's what it is, it's what it is, it's what it is.
Release the bees: Your church does have a hive of church bees for such a time as this, right?
Paint rainbow colors on the doorposts and lintels: The mob will see it and just pass over.
Thank them for volunteering to serve at Vacation Bible School this summer: They'll never even think about doing this again.
Hand out complimentary cups of church coffee: One small taste, and they'll be sprinting out of the building.
Appoint Kyle Rittenhouse as a new deacon: He'll also coincidentally be put in charge of the security ministry.
Call two she-bears from out of the wood to maul them: Just like the Bible says.
Hang a "Learing Center" sign outside the building: Nobody bothers to go to those places.
Start talking about Jesus: Leftists HATE that.
Follow the tips listed above to keep your church rioter-free every Sunday. What are other go-to ways to keep protesters out? Post your ideas in the comments.
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