So, you're working for a woke corporation. Sad! It's a hard life working for "the man," and it's even harder when "the man" is a non-binary pansexual neurodivergent transspecies disabled person who will fire you if you misgender them. How will you ever survive?
Here are a few great ways to survive working at a woke corporation:
- Visit the water cooler every twenty minutes to remind people how WOKE you are: "Gee I sure am feeling diverse, equitable, and inclusive today, am I right, fellow SJWs?"
- Dye your hair and wear flamboyant rainbow colors for camouflage: Practice at home so it looks like you do it all the time.
- Start telling "that's what HE said" jokes: Equity!
- When asked to state your pronouns in a meeting, jump out the nearest plate glass window: You may die when you hit the pavement, but your chances are still better than if you fail to declare your pronouns.
- Every time you walk by a black co-worker's desk, take a knee and raise one fist in the air: This will make your minority coworkers feel SEEN.
- Be a minority: They can't fire you.
- Tell a racist joke and if anyone laughs say "HA! I was just testing you!" and then run and tell HR: They'll be fired and you will live to be fired another day.
- Weep loudly for the dead trees every time you make copies at the copy machine: You'll be an environmental justice hero.
- Claim you are trans-abled when you get caught using the handicap stall because of how nice and roomy it is: Why should wheelchair guys have all the fun?
- Call all your Latinx coworkers "unique breakfast burritos": Follow the example of our great First Lady.
NOT SATIRE: In all seriousness, do you need a new job? Are there too many woke Karens in your workplace (Usually in HR)?
Why not check out RedBalloon.work?
Over 1900 employers have committed to free-speech, medically-private workplaces at RedBalloon.work. We're about to release our Employee Bill of Rights, a landmark guide for Conservative employee rights in the workplace.
But be careful. Karen doesn't like us very much.
Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.