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10 Ways To Make Your Christmas Less Problematic This Year

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Let's face it: Christmas is problematic and you know it. For centuries, the Christian holiday has been rife with symbols of oppression, exclusionary language, and culturally insensitive traditions. Time to do something about it! Here are 10 ways to make your Christmas less problematic this year. 

  1. Throw out the old tree skirt for your Christmas tree-- Skirts reinforce gender stereotypes. Besides, trees can't tell you their gender because they don't have mouths or vocal cords. Just to be safe, use gender-neutral tree pants instead.
  2. Don't sing "Silent Night"-- Silence is violence. We all know this. Instead, sing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" to remind people to spend Christmas by themselves. We're in the middle of a pandemic, people! 
  3. Turn off all your Christmas lights in support of Black Lives Matter--  Better yet, don't put any up at all. You're welcome!
  4. Make your kids show their vaccination papers before they're allowed to open presents-- To be extra safe, make them wait 14 days to open their presents to teach them about proper COVID quarantine procedures.
  5. Throw out the mistletoe-- Duh. Mistletoe is literally rape. If you must hang it up, be sure to have a stack of consent forms nearby.
  6. Don't bake gingerbread men and women-- Ask your kids what they want for Christmas and we bet none of them will say "cookies that perpetuate the gender binary." Instead, make gingerbread people. For even better representation, stretch out the cookie cutters to make the gingerbread people rounder and celebrate body positivity with your family!
  7. Instead of leaving milk and cookies for Santa, leave a copy of White Fragility-- Santa always gets milk and cookies. Stop. He's going to get diabetes. Instead, give him something priceless: the chance to educate himself. 
  8. Put a bunch of coal in your kids' stockings so the power plants will have nothing to burn-- This may be sad for your kids, but it's never too soon to make sacrifices for Mother Earth! 
  9. Instead of burning a yuletide log in the fire, burn a problematic book-- There are so many problematic books in the world. For some reason, people keep writing them and selling them no matter how often we complain on Twitter. Burn one today! 
  10. Give your kids a card explaining that all their presents have been given away to indigenous populations-- Explain to your kids that they are a part of a history of colonialism, patriarchy, and oppression. Then call them bigots. They need to learn early! 

We all need to take steps toward dismantling the problematic systems of oppression that have characterized Christmas for centuries. This season, take one more step toward equity and justice. Merry Holidays! 


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