10 Ways To Protect Your Kid From Groomers
Sponsored · Nov 30, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

It seems like no matter where you look these days, there's some godless communist trying to groom your kids! Don't let it happen!

Take these precautions today and groomer-proof those kiddos.

  1. Give them a taser in case they are approached by a public school teacher: The pink-haired ones are the most dangerous.
  2. Have them wear a Matt Walsh mask whenever they go outside: Groomers are terrified of him.
  3. Give them a Life Alert button to wear around their neck that calls Ron DeSantis if a teacher mentions sexual orientation or gender: He will arrive within 15 minutes.
  4. Have them carry a crucifix with them at all times: Groomers tend to hiss and screech at the sight of these.
  5. Give them a cell phone, then smash it with a tire iron: Then put the pieces in a blender and burn them just to be safe!
  6. Make sure their iPad has a parental lock: Then smash the iPad with a tire iron as well.
  7. Play Jordan Peterson lectures from the womb: Another nice side effect is they'll always have a clean room.
  8. Launch an EMP attack to disable all wi-fi in the area: Then cover your house in tin foil to keep out any radio signals.
  9. Train them to say "UP YOURS, WOKE MORALISTS!" every time they see a pride flag: They will have no friends, but will be groomer-free!
  10. Maybe turn off that TV and have them read a good book: Actually, just smash the TV with a tire iron too.

Follow these pointers to the letter to make sure your kids stay safe!

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