OAKS, PHILADELPHIA — The Kennel Club‘s annual dog show competition was taken by storm this year by first-ever trans furry competitor Blake Ruff. The decision was made unanimously by judges to award Mr. Ruff with the event‘s most coveted title of ‘Best In Show'. According to sources, Blake Ruff had never won a single competition of any sort in his life until he realized that he's not a mediocre adult male — he's actually a Blue Alaskan Malamute.
"Recognizing who I truly am has been a liberating journey!" said Mr. Ruff hiking his leg and urinating on the public sidewalk. "I've always been a dog on the inside and now the world can finally see the real me!"
"I still can't believe we made it, Blake-y! We did it boy you won!" said Chaz Brown, Blake's handler and trainer, as he commanded Blake to roll over for another belly rub. "Working with this breed has been the crowning achievement and greatest joy of my life! I've never met such a smart Alaskan Malamute in my life."
Other competitors complained that allowing a grown man in a dog costume to compete made a mockery of this prestigious event. The Kennel Club responded by immediately disqualifying all nay-sayers and permanently banning them from future competitions for their bigoted attack against the trans community.
At publishing time, Blake Ruff had been arrested for sexual misconduct at an elementary school until he explained that it was okay because he's a dog and that's just what dogs do when they're nervous.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
