QATAR – Former president Barack Obama was among the millions of Americans who enjoyed watching the United States' thrilling 1-0 victory over Iran in the World Cup. However, after the game he had questions about the Americans' strategy.
"I'm not saying I'm a soccer expert or anything," said the Nobel prize winner with a self-deprecating chuckle that made everyone within earshot feel warm and special inside. "But I am probably smarter than anyone associated with American soccer, and sports in general. And I can't understand why the American team kept letting the Iranians run around and get in their way when it's so easy to just call in a drone strike."
The handsome former president continued, "The actions of the Iranian team could easily be characterized as a terroristic threat to US interests. In my experience, the most effective way to deal with that is a quick call to Mr. Predator. Ka-BOOM! You know what I'm saying?"
"A measured, sensible, proportional response like that could've cleared the field for US interests without collateral damage beyond the first fifteen or twenty rows of spectators. And all those people are just soccer weirdos anyway."
Obama, who is also a Nobel prize winner, then said that his complete thoughts on soccer strategy would be included in his forthcoming 37th memoir entitled, The Audacity of Writing a Book Just Because I Know You'll Buy It and I Need to Keep Up with Michelle's Sales Numbers.
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