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As wonderful as the "New Golden Age" has been the past week, it's now painfully evident that President Trump's immigration policies will quickly destroy life in America. As the media will gladly tell you, deporting illegal aliens will spell certain doom for the U.S. Unfortunately, they're right.
The Babylon Bee has put together the following list of guaranteed ways deporting illegal immigrants will devastate the country:
Major League Baseball will be reduced to five teams: There just aren't enough native-born players to fill all the rosters.
Californians will now be forced to mow their own yards: This will be the second-worst thing to happen in California this year.
The burden will fall on Americans to do all the murdering and raping: It's a tall order to ask hardworking Americans to fill that large of a void.
Springfield, Ohio will be overrun by the exploding stray cat population: If only there was someone there to eat them.
The threat of Selena Gomez making more crying TikTok videos will increase exponentially: Hollywood may well be submerged under the flood of liberal tears.
Millions of taxpayer-funded prepaid debit cards will just sit in a warehouse with no one to use them: How can a country function when it's not subsidizing immigrants' flatscreen TVs?
Hotel rooms will fall into squalor due to not being cleaned: If you thought hotel rooms were dirty before (they were), just wait.
A nationwide burrito shortage: Get ready to pay ridiculously marked-up prices for your carne asada burrito.
Home Depot parking lots will become lonely, unpopulated wastelands: They were once bustling, humming hot spots. Not anymore.
Millions of Americans will have learned to speak Spanish for nothing: There will be no one to ask "Donde esta la biblioteca?" anymore.
So long, life in America. It was great while it lasted. What other disasters will result in the U.S. if all the illegal aliens are deported? Post them in the comments below.
NOT SATIRE: The Perfect Storm? HMPV and China's Cyber Virus Threat Could Trigger a Panic Like We've Never Seen
Two threats are quietly building momentum — and both could catch Americans unprepared.
First, HMPV, a respiratory virus spreading through China, is raising concerns. While it hasn't made major headlines yet, experts warn it could spark another pandemic if it spreads globally.
We all remember what happened the last time people panicked over a virus: businesses closing, dwindling supplies, mass hysteria.
But there's another, even bigger, threat — a Chinese cyber virus — that's already here. Recent reports confirm that Chinese hackers are increasing their attacks on U.S. infrastructure, targeting power grids, banks, and communication systems.
Here's the harsh truth: These attacks alone are dangerous. But it's what happens next that's the real threat. When people panic, society breaks down.
Think back to early 2020 — panic-buying led to empty shelves and supply shortages. Now imagine a cyberattack that shuts down power or disrupts bank systems. It won't take long for panic to set in again since now we're all too aware of how fragile these systems are.
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An elite force from DOGE uncovers the most absurd waste of taxpayer dollars.
