With the November presidential election looming, Republicans are sadly struggling to win over female voters.
After consulting several female experts, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of ways Republicans can win the female vote:
- MAGA hats with pink bows on them: So CUTE!
- Hand out glasses of wine outside Target: We've been told women love drinking wine and shopping at Target.
- Gesture wildly toward Democrats' position on biological men playing women's sports: It should be self-explanatory, but make sure they know.
- Have Donald Trump grow a beard: Chicks love guys with beards.
- Start a Republican Party true crime podcast: The more grisly and disturbing, the better!
- Offer to mansplain to them how car engines work: They love that.
- Give out free Stanley tumblers with every vote for a Republican candidate: The irresistible pull of the Stanley cup will lead to a landslide victory.
- Convince Ryan Gosling to run for office as a Republican: They'd vote for Hitler if he looked like Ryan Gosling.
- Republican swimsuit calendar: Nothing but seductive shots of Ted Cruz, Mitch McConnell, Mike Johnson, and Lindsey Graham.
- Keep ranting about how terrible women are and how we should repeal the 19th Amendment: Women love to be vilified and disregarded, so this is a surefire path to success.
You hear that, Republican Party? You do the things listed above, and you can be guaranteed to win the female vote — and the election.
YUGE NEWS! There's a new Donald Trump Version of the Bible, and we've got the exclusive clip of Trump reciting his favorite verses.