At long last, the end of the world is upon us. At any minute the trumpets will sound and we'll be caught up into heaven, leaving only our clothes and jewelry behind-- just like in the theologically accurate international blockbuster film Left Behind.
You don't believe us? Well, we have proof! Read these undeniable signs of the coming Day of the Lord and repent, sinner, before it's too late!
- Jack Black and Lizzo have been submitted for Emmy consideration for their role in The Mandalorian: Judgment Day is around the corner. The wickedness of mankind has truly become too great.
- Diane Feinstein has risen from the dead and returned to the Senate: We're pretty sure the book of Revelation prophesied this somewhere.
- That person you don't like is probably the Antichrist: Yeah, that guy. You know who we're talking about. Your suspicions are definitely 100% correct.
- The gayest men now drink Bud Light and drive Ford trucks: As it was in the days of Noah.
- You just heard a commercial for emergency food buckets on your favorite Conservative podcast: They wouldn't be advertising those if the apocalypse wasn't imminent.
- Republicans actually negotiated spending cuts before raising the debt ceiling: Too little, too late, Republicans. It's all over.
- The year is 2023 and 2 Chronicles 20:23 has 39 words in it. 5x2+19=29. 5, 2, 19. Remember those three numbers. 1 Thessalonians 5:2 has 19 words in it. That verse talks about how the Day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night: MIND. BLOWN. This is undeniable proof.
- Christians may have finally made a good TV series: Blow the trumpets, Gabriel!
NOT SATIRE: Homestead, based on the best-selling book series Black Autumn, is a post-apocalyptic family survival drama. A string of attacks and collapses drives troubled Green Beret Jeff Kirkham to take a job as head of security for a wealthy doomsday prepper, Jason Ross. Ross has built an elaborate permaculture compound for friends and family. As the fabric of America goes to pieces, a few dozen families scramble to "The Homestead" in a last-ditch effort to survive.
When all else fails, faith and family endure. This new TV series depicts life after the apocalypse with a focus on God and family values. And you can help make it! Back this project today!
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.