10 Most Common Side Effects Of Neuralink
Tech · Jan 31, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

Tech billionaire Elon Musk recently announced the first human has received the revolutionary Neuralink brain implant. While many are clamoring to be next in line to get a brain chip fired into their brains, we at the Babylon Bee ask that you first be aware of a few very minor side effects our crack research team has unearthed.

  1. Slight headache: Well, they stuck it in your brain for crying out loud.
  2. Every time your wife runs the vacuum you buy more Dogecoin: Also, is that vacuum looking kinda hot right now?
  3. You finish all sentences with "End transmission": You also call your friends "meat beings".
  4. Flight attendants ask you to put yourself in airplane mode: Rude.
  5. Your Bible has been replaced with an Isaac Asimov novel: Weird, your wife's "Live, Laugh, Love" sign was also replaced with "The 3 Laws of Robotics."
  6. Your family isn't keen on your new hobby of harvesting humans as batteries and placing them inside "The Matrix": Nor your quest to hunt down anyone named Sarah Connor.
  7. Your wife gives birth to a Roomba: You name it Z≤µ∞Y=Æ.
  8. Your neighbor's garage door opens whenever you sneeze: And you swear your washing machine just said, "Bless you."
  9. You can say "Boobs" in 147 different languages: And you let everyone know this fact on X, the everything app®.
  10. You own 17 Teslas: Five of them are pregnant.

Other than those mild side effects, installing a chunk of electrified metal and wires permanently into your skull is absolutely safe and effective. Give it a go!


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