SESAME STREET — Following the overwhelming response to an innocuous social media post in which he asked the nation how it's doing, Elmo later announced that the next Sesame Street episode will be sponsored by the letter ‘X' for Xanax.
The seemingly harmless post, which quickly went viral and prompted thousands of replies from beleaguered Americans pouring out their hearts and venting to Elmo about their problems, left the beloved Muppet in a depressed state as he pondered the future of the country.
"Elmo had no idea people's lives were in such bad shape," Elmo said as he sat on the front steps of the iconic apartment building at 123 Sesame Street. "Elmo has PTSD now. Elmo may never get over this feeling. Where is Elmo's vitamin X?"
Following the response from so many stressed followers, Elmo's friends reported that he was no longer his usual cheerful, optimistic self. "Yeah, it's a shame to see the kid in this state of mind," said Oscar the Grouch. "Me? I'm used to seeing the world the way it really is, but Elmo's always been so innocent and childlike. Once you catch a glimpse of the dark, seedy underbelly of real life, it changes you. Permanently. Here's hoping he pulls out of it before too long."
At publishing time, Elmo announced that the next episode of the classic children's public television program would be sponsored by the letter "B," which insiders confirmed stands for "Benzodiazepine".
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
