9 New Woke Features In Bethesda's 'Starfield'
Sponsored · Sep 5, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: BRAVE Books

Surprise, surprise — wokeness has spread far beyond our own galaxy. With the long-awaited release of Starfield, the science fiction action-role-playing game from Bethesda, hardcore gamers will now be forced to play a game that crams a big steaming pile of WOKE down their throats every time they play. Truly disgusting.

As an exclusive here at The Babylon Bee, we present a list of new woke features players can enjoy in Starfield.

  1. You can play as a female character: And she's not even hot. This marks the end of Western Civilization.
  2. All the female characters are voiced by Dylan Mulvaney: This just keeps getting worse.
  3. Before landing on a planet, you must acknowledge it has been stolen from its indigenous people: Space is no place for colonizers.
  4. If you kill a white male, you automatically win the game: We expect speedrunners to take advantage of this.
  5. Loading screens will now feature AOC giving impassioned speeches about the importance of respecting pronouns: Learn how to do better while you progress the game.
  6. All spacecraft are powered by wind and solar: Hyperdrives have been banned.
  7. You will not be allowed to purchase high-capacity magazines: They have also been banned.
  8. All the good factions are represented by the Pride flag: Obviously.
  9. The game will install spyware on your computer that will monitor your internet communications for the rest of your life: Hate speech will get you kicked off their servers!

Enjoy playing Starfield, but for the love of everything that is holy, don't misgender anyone!


NOT SATIRE: Kevin Sorbo Speaks Out: "Let boys be boys"!

Iconic Hercules and God's Not Dead actor, Kevin Sorbo, is well known for being canceled from Hollywood for his Christian, Conservative beliefs. But, that hasn't stopped him from continuing to work on projects he cares about and believes in strongly. His latest undertaking is calling out Hollywood and media for the destructive messages they are promoting about modern masculinity. To accomplish this, Sorbo has written a children's book with BRAVE Books titled The Test of Lionhood. In his book, Sorbo teaches children a healthy view of masculinity and how to stand strong under trials. Sorbo shared, "I think that we should let boys learn that being brave, and being manly, is not a bad thing."

Don't miss an exclusive offer to get a signed copy of Kevin Sorbo's new book. Join the club TODAY and get a book each month for your family that teaches a pro-God, pro-America value.

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It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

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