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Mother's Day is this Sunday, and you completely forgot. Oh no!
But don't worry, The Babylon Bee is crashing into your life like the Kool-Aid man. Except instead of bringing cool, refreshing beverages, we're bringing high-quality gift ideas for your wife since it totally slipped your mind. We got you, squad.
- Play golf on Mother's Day so she gets 5 hours of quality time with the kids -- She will love you forever. She'll be so speechless from this gift that she might not be able to say anything to you for days.
- Give her permission to take the day off and just do all the chores on Monday -- Let the dishes stack up, honey! Relax a little -- there's always Monday.
- Dim the lights, turn on the TV, and whisper the seven words every woman wants to hear: "Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Marathon" -- The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.
- Get a vasectomy -- Once you have a full baseball team worth of kids, the snip is the most romantic thing you can do.
- Three words: surprise baby adoption! -- If the vasectomy doesn't do it for your wife, surprise her with the gift of a newborn! Or make it triplets if you really love her.
- Give your kids unlimited glitter and glue to make a card. -- Tell them to knock themselves out. And be sure to do it over the carpet. It's the gift she'll get to remember and lovingly reflect on every time she vacuums until the heat death of the universe.
- Play Xbox all day and dedicate every Warzone kill to your wife. -- When you snipe n00bpwnr69 right as he parachutes into the battlefield, put one finger up in the sky and say "This one's for you, babe."
- Don't get her anything, since she said she didn't want anything and you were definitely supposed to believe her. -- If she said she didn't want any presents this year, just listen to her. It will make her feel loved and respected.
- A fancy new spatula -- Nothing says "I love you" like the gift of a spatula.
- Frantically make her a card 30 seconds before she wakes up using a crayon and construction paper -- She'll love your vulnerability and honesty when you give her a card that you obviously threw together in a last-minute panic.
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