False advertising is a stain on the fabric of our society. In order to thoroughly bleach this fabric and make it soft with extra fabric softener, we have assembled honest company slogans that we now demand all businesses to switch to.

NO EXCEPTIONS!

Nike: Slavery: just do it.

Walmart: We clean the bathrooms sometimes!

Doritos: Better go ahead and buy two bags, fatty.

Applebee's: Eatin' Food In A Place.

Subway: Eat…something?!

United Airlines: We just said the skies are friendly. We made no promises about what happens inside the plane.

Spirit Airlines: You're poor, aren't you?

The American Federation Of Teachers: We care. About ourselves.

Google: Don't Be Evil.

Facebook: Hey guys come back! Please?

Nintendo: What is an Internet?

Microsoft: You hate us but have to use us anyway! lolol

T-Mobile: The sound of silence.

Coca-Cola: Share a Coke with…your endocrinologist, because you now have diabetes.

Taco Bell: We're cheaper than Ex-Lax.

Amazon: Shut up and buy it, you mindless consumer.

BlackRock: Ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

Home Depot: If you need to ask for help, you don't deserve it.

Panera: Your Bible study wouldn't be complete without some overpriced microwave food!

Disney: Weeee'lll convert your childreeeeen!