The Babylon Bee Presents: Honest Company Slogans

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False advertising is a stain on the fabric of our society. In order to thoroughly bleach this fabric and make it soft with extra fabric softener, we have assembled honest company slogans that we now demand all businesses to switch to.

NO EXCEPTIONS!

Nike: Slavery: just do it.

Walmart: We clean the bathrooms sometimes!

Doritos: Better go ahead and buy two bags, fatty.

Applebee's: Eatin' Food In A Place.

Subway: Eat…something?!

United Airlines: We just said the skies are friendly.  We made no promises about what happens inside the plane.

Spirit Airlines: You're poor, aren't you? 

The American Federation Of Teachers: We care. About ourselves.

Google: Don't Be Evil.

Twitter: Now 9.2% less evil!

Facebook: Hey guys come back! Please? 

Nintendo: What is an Internet?

Microsoft: You hate us but have to use us anyway! lolol 

T-Mobile: The sound of silence.

Coca-Cola: Share a Coke with…your endocrinologist, because you now have diabetes.

Taco Bell: We're cheaper than Ex-Lax.

Amazon: Shut up and buy it, you mindless consumer.

BlackRock: Ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

Home Depot: If you need to ask for help, you don't deserve it.

Panera: Your Bible study wouldn't be complete without some overpriced microwave food!

Disney: Weeee'lll convert your childreeeeen!


NOT SATIRE:  There's no fake news, cheap junk you'll never actually use, or woke business practices here. Holtz Leather is a real American family business. From starting in our basement to being featured on The Today Show, we have been blessed to be a part of the American Manufacturing Resurgence. 

We support God, conservative values, and Country (in that order) and are passionate about adoption. We are proud to handcraft artisan quality gifts right here in Huntsville Alabama. Don’t settle for cheap imports - support American-made small business with Holtz Leather Co!

Visit our website to read our story and shop handcrafted gifts!

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