The GDP (Gross Domestic Product) numbers were released today and it turns out we're in a recession.
EVERYBODY PANIC!
We've got to fix this immediately! Fortunately, we've consulted with the highly educated economists that got us into this mess to see how we can get out of it.
Here are some great ways to reverse the recession immediately:
- Turn the GDP chart upside down: Wow, that was easy!
- Change what the word "recession" means: Why yes, the economy is experiencing good vibes. Thank you for asking, Mr. Doocy.
- Play the reverse card from your UNO hand that you've been holding onto: Oh no! The economy played its own reverse card!
- Think long and hard, 'What would AOC do?': Probably something really brilliant and progressive!
- Form a Congressional committee to research how to get out of recessions so they can publish their findings in 3 years: The buck stops eventually!
- Invade Canada and take all their GDP for ourselves: They don't have any guns to defend themselves.
- Ask Ukraine for our $80 billion back: They probably haven't spent it yet.
- Order a second season of Jan 6 hearings: That'll distract everyone from their financial pains.
- Ask Joey, a fifth grader: He'll know what to do!
- Replace the entire government with Ron Paul: We can only dream.
This should reverse the recession in a jiffy! But if that doesn't work we can always try redefining "reverse."
NOT SATIRE: Don't let career politicians and socialists drive the United States into the next Great Depression! Young Americans for Liberty (YAL) is fighting back by electing 250 liberty candidates.
YAL was founded out of the Students for Ron Paul movement and now serves as the most effective pro-liberty student network in the country. This year, our students have mobilized to knock on doors for pro-liberty candidates and legislation across America. Their work will literally make millions of Americans more free.
We must raise $5,000 in the next 72 hours. Please help us reach our goal!
Lauren Daugherty
CEO
Young Americans for Liberty
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.