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Following the passing of Pope Francis, the Catholic Church is now deep into the process of electing a new leader. While various media outlets claim to have lists of potential candidates, only The Babylon Bee has obtained the short list of true frontrunners.
Here are the top 10 candidates to be the next pope:
Joe Biden: He checks all the boxes — he's in his 80s, he's Catholic, and he has a history of making heretical statements.
Kilmar Abrego Garcia: He'd be sure to carry on Francis's fight for open borders around the world.
Judge James Boasberg: He has already declared himself President of the United States, so why not Pope?
Luigi Mangione: This would instantly make him the most popular pontiff in the Church's history.
Mark Driscoll: It's time to restore masculinity to the Catholic Church.
Kamala Harris: She's still unemployed, and she would always be eager to bless the wine.
Jack Black: The Church is reportedly looking to capitalize on the popularity of the Minecraft movie, but is demanding that he keep the cartwheels to a minimum.
Joel Osteen: If you thought the Vatican was opulent before, you haven't seen anything yet.
Jake, the Catholic guy who lives down the street: He has some really unique ideas.
JD Vance: The position is rightfully his after he defeated Francis in single combat.
Odds are it'll be someone from that list. Have you heard about other candidates? Post them in the comments below.
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