1 Billion Argentinians Already Dead After Libertarian Elected

BUENOS AIRES — A catastrophic tragedy has befallen the former socialist utopia of Argentina as 1 billion citizens have already died due to Libertarian candidate Javier Milei being elected president.

"These deaths occurred just as we had predicted," said smart socialist Juan Trujillo while piling corpses into an old-timey corpse cart. "I blame the president-elect for making people think they deserved things like money and rights. Look what it's done!"

Devastating libertarian policies have decimated the population of a country that, for decades floated comfortably on the blessings of a huge government and a burgeoning inflation rate of 120%.

At publishing time, a caravan of millions of surviving Argentinians had been spotted moving north toward the promising, young Socialist country of the United States.

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