U.S. — Early voting polls from swing states like Pennsylvania and Michigan indicated that Democrats are clinging to a slight lead in early vote-rigging.
According to election officials in key counties across the two states, the news is rather surprising, given the Democrats' strong performance in vote-rigging in the last several election cycles.
"The Democrats are still leading in early vote-rigging, but just barely," said ballot counter Dan Kratz, who was in charge of putting up posterboards to block people from watching the ballots being counted in 2020. "Honestly, I'm just intrigued to see the Republicans putting up more of a fight. Usually, the Democrats just run away with everything by rigging the election, but this year could be a close one."
Sources cited several factors for the Democrats' failure to rig the election more easily, including the fact that even the people who are normally in charge of forging Democrat ballots are having a hard time bringing themselves to write in "Kamala Harris" on ballots cast for dead people and nursing home residents.
"It's honestly getting harder — I just hate that cackle," said Democrat election operative Jimmy Jackson. "I keep pushing anyway. Another day, another few hundred forged Kamala ballots."
At publishing time, the Democrats had begun to take a more commanding lead in early vote-rigging after bringing several truckloads of illegal immigrants across the border to help fill out ballots.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
