MESOPOTAMIA — Onlookers erupted in shouts of ridicule for a prominent local man, as apparent idiot Noah decided to build an ark when he could have just paid more taxes to stop climate change.
Despite his fellow villagers suggesting he simply pay his "fair share" in taxes to avert a potential upcoming climate catastrophe, the patriarch chose instead to invest heavily in construction materials he would use to build a gigantic boat.
"What a moron," one witness said. "Look, we've all heard the rumors that something really bad is bound to happen with our climate, but we've all agreed that the best solution is to just pay more taxes and make climate change disappear. Instead of going along with that plan, ol' nincompoop Noah here would rather build an ark."
When asked for comment, Noah explained his seemingly shortsighted actions. "Yeah, call me crazy, but I don't think paying more taxes will do anything," he said as he and his sons continued construction on the enormous ship. "Everyone thinks giving more and more money to the government will solve everything, but I have some inside info that nothing will stop what's coming. I'm just gonna build my ark."
At publishing time, Noah cited previous attempts to raise taxes as a solution to rampant crime as evidence that government plans are not effective. "Everything will be fixed pretty soon here," he said. "Just not in the way everyone thinks it will. They call me an idiot, but I hope everyone has their life jackets ready. Just sayin.'"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
