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Christians, it's time for us to throw our full support behind Kamala Harris for president.
Here are the best reasons to vote for Kamala:
She can't talk very good, just like Moses: She has clearly been chosen by God.
David French is voting for her: As David French goes, so goes all of Christendom.
You can get sent to maximum security prison for protesting an abortion clinic — a great witnessing opportunity: Think of all the good you can do.
Speaking of abortion, murdered babies go straight to Heaven: Don't you want babies in Heaven?
The church has always grown under persecution: We need persecution now more than ever.
God will be impressed by your superior righteousness: If Jesus were here, he would support Kamala to make the Republican party turn on Trump and go back to much better people like Dick Cheney, even if that requires killing thousands of children and letting the world become engulfed in war. It's in the Bible.
She is totally brat: We're not sure what this means, but it's a word the hip kids are saying and we Christians should strive to remain culturally relevant.
She will usher in the end times so that we can meet Jesus sooner: Nice!
Trump is literally Satan: And Hitler and Stalin and Judas.
NOT SATIRE: Check out the trailer for our upcoming movie as well as new updates and members-only bonus content!
We've been your trusted source of fake news for years. You've laughed at our headlines. You've shared our viral videos. A handful of you have listened to our podcast. But now, for the first time ever, we've written and produced a full-length mockumentary.
January 6: The Most Deadliest Day is a groundbreaking, soon-to-be Academy Award-winning film that exposes what really happened on that fateful day.
Coming soon to Babylon Bee subscribers on October 11, 2024.
Watch the trailer here:
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
