EAGLE PASS, TX — As the migrant crisis along the southern U.S. border continued to intensify, a new threat emerged, leading the Biden administration to warn the populace of the presence of a dangerous African immigrant sighted at the border.
"This is serious, folks," President Joe Biden said in brief remarks to reporters. "We've received reports of a very menacing African man roaming the region. Everyone knows I'm a long-time advocate for keeping an eye on these African fellas. This one is especially dangerous. He's here to…here to…he's got all of the…he runs the…the...the thing. Rocketship."
Despite thousands of unvetted and undocumented foreign nationals pouring across the border every day, the federal government and the mainstream media have continued to remain largely silent on the topic. The sudden appearance of this African man, experts say, may finally force the Biden administration to address the issue of border security. "They can't afford to ignore it now," said Dr. Blake Rumsey of the Foundation for Discussion. "For whatever reason, this particular African man seems to really have them spooked."
The White House was uncharacteristically quick to comment on the news from the border. "Border safety is now a priority," said gay and black Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "This African man poses a serious threat to America's national security and democracy itself. When he gets up from his nap, the president will take this very seriously."
At publishing time, the federal government had announced the deployment of military resources to apprehend the African man.
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