EDORAS — According to Chief Counselor Gríma Wormtongue, King Théoden is doing more than any other king to stop orc invasions and everyone really needs to stop bothering him about it.
"Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled mind?" Wormtongue told a peasant farmer who had just lost his family to orcs. "Can you not see? The king does more for our borders than any king ever has. Ever."
The peasant farmer was then forcibly removed from the golden hall.
In order to secure his kingdom's borders against further orc invasions, the Lord of the Mark has barred entry into the city by any visitors.
"That ought to do it," he whispered weakly to Wormtongue.
"You speak justly, lord," said Wormtongue. "What do the people expect us to do? Fight? That'd be silly!"
Rumors persist that King Théoden's mind has been clouded by the Enemy and that he is no longer fit to rule. Some have even suggested that Gríma Wormtongue is the cause since it all started after he returned from a brief holiday in Isengard two nights prior. But Wormtongue insisted there was no way that was true.
At publishing time, Gríma Wormtongue had proudly announced that orc border crossings were down to only 12,000 per day and that the border was completely secure.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
