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Canadian Grandma Excited To Hear Her Family Is Paying To Hire A MAID - Article image
World · May 27, 2026 · 55
Canadian Grandma Excited To Hear Her Family Is Paying To Hire A MAID

CALGARY - One elderly woman was convinced that her life was soon going to change forever, as the Canadian grandmother expressed excitement after heari...

Democrats Hopeful Average Texas Voter Wants To Ban Steak And Thinks God Is Gay - Article image
Politics · May 27, 2026 · 58
Democrats Hopeful Average Texas Voter Wants To Ban Steak And Thinks God Is Gay

TEXAS - With the field now set for the Texas Senate race, Democrats are hopeful that the average Texan voter wants to ban steak and believes God is ga...

SBC Approves Use Of Tasers On Any Visitor Who Tries To Slip Past Greeters - Article image
Church · May 27, 2026 · 49
SBC Approves Use Of Tasers On Any Visitor Who Tries To Slip Past Greeters

NASHVILLE, TN - The Southern Baptist Convention voted to adopt a new church policy on Wednesday where tasers can be used on visitors who try to sneak ...
'Jesus Never Said You Can't Do This!' Shouts James Talarico While Dropkicking Labradoodle
'Jesus Never Said You Can't Do This!' Shouts James Talarico While Dropkicking Labradoodle
'Jesus Never Said You Can't Do This!' Shouts James Talarico While Dropkicking Labradoodle - Featured article image
Scripture · May 27, 2026 · 45

AUSTIN, TX - Representative James Talarico was seen today gleefully dropkicking a labradoodle as he assured onlookers that Jesus had never explicitly ...

Oh No: Band Going to Play Something From New Album - Article image
Entertainment · May 27, 2026 · 49
Oh No: Band Going to Play Something From New Album

RED ROCKS, CO - Local concertgoers experienced a wave of dread Friday night when indie-rock front man Julian Vance announced the band was going to "pl...

Entertainment · May 27, 2026 · 49
Oh No: Band Going to Play Something From New Album

Oh No: Band Going to Play Something From New Album - Featured article image
RED ROCKS, CO - Local concertgoers experienced a wave of dread Friday night when indie-rock front man Julian Vance announced the band was going to "pl...
SBC Approves Use Of Tasers On Any Visitor Who Tries To Slip Past Greeters - Article image
Church · May 27, 2026 · 49
SBC Approves Use Of Tasers On Any Visitor Who Tries To Slip Past Greeters

NASHVILLE, TN - The Southern Baptist Convention voted to adopt a new church policy on Wednesday where tasers can be used on visitors who try to sneak ...

Subscriber Headlines

Prophet Staying At Widows House Promises Bag Of Chicken Nuggets Will Not Go Empty

May 18, 2026 | Yantelope the Encabulator


White House Installs Take-A-Number Dispenser For Shooters

May 24, 2026 | TwoDegreesOff


'I Have Become All Things To All Men,' Declares Paul After Signing On To Be Utility Infielder For Church Softball Team

May 20, 2026 | BrotherTim

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White House Announces Iran Deal Completely Done Except For All The Important Parts - Article image
White House Announces Iran Deal Completely Done Except For All The Important Parts
Politics · May 27, 2026 · 34
Wife Says Her Love Language Is All Of Them And You're Going To Have To Guess Which One She Wants Today - Article image
Wife Says Her Love Language Is All Of Them And You're Going To Have To Guess Which One She Wants Today
Family · May 26, 2026 · 68
Tragedy: Multiple Trump Assassins Accidentally Shoot Each Other - Article image
Tragedy: Multiple Trump Assassins Accidentally Shoot Each Other
U.S. · May 26, 2026 · 65
Weird: High School Valedictorian Not Asian - Article image
Weird: High School Valedictorian Not Asian
Education · May 26, 2026 · 63
Noah Fined By HOA For Parking Boat In Driveway - Article image
Noah Fined By HOA For Parking Boat In Driveway
Scripture · May 26, 2026 · 56
Grok Responds To Pope Leo By Publishing List Of 95 Theses - Article image
Grok Responds To Pope Leo By Publishing List Of 95 Theses
Church · May 26, 2026 · 44

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Everyone In Chicago Shot Over The Weekend - Article image
Crime · May 26, 2026 · 74
Everyone In Chicago Shot Over The Weekend

CHICAGO, IL - The Chicago Police Department confirmed on Tuesday morning that every single resident of the city had been shot over the long holiday we...
Physicians At Walter Reed Confirm Trump's Midi-Chlorian Count Is Off The Charts - Article image
Politics · May 26, 2026 · 53
Physicians At Walter Reed Confirm Trump's Midi-Chlorian Count Is Off The Charts

BETHESDA, MD - Results from President Donald Trump's 6-month physical at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center appeared to show that his midi-c...
The Babylon Bee Has Obtained A Leaked Copy Of The Iran-U.S. Peace Deal - Article image
World · May 24, 2026 · 65
The Babylon Bee Has Obtained A Leaked Copy Of The Iran-U.S. Peace Deal

News broke this morning that the United States and Iran have agreed to the framework of a peace deal, and our investigative team here at The Babylon B...
Parents Help Graduate Sound Out The Words On Diploma - Article image
Education · May 26, 2026 · 49
Parents Help Graduate Sound Out The Words On Diploma

TUCSON, AZ - Parents of high school graduate David Simpson helped their son sound out the words on his diploma after the teen expressed frustration at...

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Chuck Schumer Celebrates Memorial Day Alone As All Of Last Year's Guests Dead From E. Coli - Article image
Politics · May 25, 2026 · 73
Chuck Schumer Celebrates Memorial Day Alone As All Of Last Year's Guests Dead From E. Coli

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Senator Chuck Schumer reportedly spent Memorial Day alone with his thoughts after having killed all of his backyard barbecue guests...
Review: 'The Mandalorian And Grogu' Is A Fun Enough Flick — But It Utterly Fails To Mention Anything About Freeing Palestine - Article image
Entertainment · May 25, 2026 · 37
Review: 'The Mandalorian And Grogu' Is A Fun Enough Flick — But It Utterly Fails To Mention Anything About Freeing Palestine

The first Star Wars feature film in seven years should have been a grand event. But from the moment the opening text rolled, it was clear something wa...
Study Reveals 90% Of Data Centers Just Storing Your Wife’s Pictures Of The Kids - Article image
Family · May 19, 2026 · 51
Study Reveals 90% Of Data Centers Just Storing Your Wife’s Pictures Of The Kids

OVERLAND PARK, KS - The need for the construction of massive data storage centers has been in the news again recently, with the results of a new study...
Boaz Carefully Arranges Stalks Of Grain On Ground To Spell Out ‘Hey Gurl’ - Article image
Scripture · May 25, 2026 · 46
Boaz Carefully Arranges Stalks Of Grain On Ground To Spell Out ‘Hey Gurl’

BETHLEHEM - As Ruth was about to come pick up extra crops left for her in the fields, workers reportedly spotted Boaz carefully arranging stalks of gr...

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Awesome: Uber Drivers Are Now Required To Carry Out Drive-By Shootings For Their Passengers - Article image
Worldviews · Apr 24, 2019 · 5
Awesome: Uber Drivers Are Now Required To Carry Out Drive-By Shootings For Their Passengers

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a handy, convenient new service, Uber drivers are now required to carry out drive-by shootings for their passengers.
Report: Average Christian Spends 37% Of Prayer Time Saying Word 'Just' - Article image
Report: Average Christian Spends 37% Of Prayer Time Saying Word 'Just'
Christian Living · Mar 22, 2016 · 23
New 'Jordan Peterson On The Shelf' Doll Watches To Make Sure You Clean Your Room - Article image
New 'Jordan Peterson On The Shelf' Doll Watches To Make Sure You Clean Your Room
U.S. · Nov 17, 2023 · 95
Library Under Fire For Hosting Controversial 'Straight Male Story Hour' - Article image
Library Under Fire For Hosting Controversial 'Straight Male Story Hour'
Lifestyle · Mar 18, 2019 · 24
Attorney General Garland Replaces Federal Executions With Bus Tickets To Chicago - Article image
Attorney General Garland Replaces Federal Executions With Bus Tickets To Chicago
Politics · Jul 3, 2021 · 134
Infographic: Fight Back Against Wokeness With More Gendered Language - Article image
Infographic: Fight Back Against Wokeness With More Gendered Language
Infographic · May 20, 2020 · 78
New Star Wars Film To Feature Female Jedi Who Turns To The Dark Side At The Same Time Every Month - Article image
New Star Wars Film To Feature Female Jedi Who Turns To The Dark Side At The Same Time Every Month
Entertainment · Jan 4, 2024 · 204

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It's Memorial Day: Whom Are You Honoring? - Article image
Premium · May 25, 2026 · 35
It's Memorial Day: Whom Are You Honoring?

Hey, Bee family!
Farewell, Thomas Massie! Here Are 7 Of The Bee's Most Memorable Articles About Tom - Article image
Premium · May 19, 2026 · 78
Farewell, Thomas Massie! Here Are 7 Of The Bee's Most Memorable Articles About Tom

As you may have heard, Thomas Massie has officially been defeated in Kentucky's GOP primary, heralding the end of his Congressional tenure. Massie has...
Rejected Babylon Bee Photoshop #3492 - Article image
Premium · May 18, 2026 · 31
Rejected Babylon Bee Photoshop #3492

Our crack team of certified fake news specialists work tirelessly every day to bring you fake news you can trust. We've shared before about how our te...
Photo Caption Challenge Winner: Trump And The Bees Edition - Article image
Premium · May 5, 2026 · 47
Photo Caption Challenge Winner: Trump And The Bees Edition

Last week, we put out the challenge to our intrepid subscribers to caption this glorious photo of Trump with a bee. After sifting through the stack of...

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NBA Players Wear Special Lace Collars To Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Article image
NBA Players Wear Special Lace Collars To Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Politics · Sep 22, 2020 · 99
Joel Osteen Tests Negative For Christianity - Article image
Joel Osteen Tests Negative For Christianity
Celebs · Mar 26, 2020 · 22
Pelosi Preemptively Announces Articles Of Impeachment Against Candace Owens - Article image
Pelosi Preemptively Announces Articles Of Impeachment Against Candace Owens
Politics · Feb 10, 2021 · 106
El Paso Man Comes Down From Insane Acid Trip Where He Hallucinated That He Ran For President - Article image
El Paso Man Comes Down From Insane Acid Trip Where He Hallucinated That He Ran For President
Politics · Dec 27, 2019 · 11
Biden Campaign Says He Is So Close To A VP Pick He Can Smell Her - Article image
Biden Campaign Says He Is So Close To A VP Pick He Can Smell Her
Politics · Aug 1, 2020 · 124
What Should You Wear To Church? A Handy Guide For Each Denomination - Article image
What Should You Wear To Church? A Handy Guide For Each Denomination
Church · Oct 16, 2017 · 28

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