BROOKLYN, NY — After a recent interview aired on CNN in which Taylor Lorenz fawned over the accused murderer like a giddy schoolgirl, Luigi Mangione immediately filed for a restraining order to keep Taylor Lorenz at least 100 yards away from him at all times.
Mangione is still being held without bail at the Metropolitan Detention Center for the alleged cold-blooded assassination of the UnitedHealthcare CEO who was also a married man with children. The killer overheard the smitten Taylor Lorenz dremily calling him a "smart, handsome, morally good revolutionary" which prompted Mangione to take immediate protective action.
"Woah, this chick is crazy," said Luigi from his jail cell. "I just killed a guy and she thinks that's attractive? Just look at her eyes. You can always tell by the eyes."
The judge immediately granted Mangione the restraining order when he saw that the filing was for "that crazy chick Taylor Lorenz."
"Taylor Lorenz? The one with the eyes? Say no more," said Judge Keifer Star from the bench. "I hereby order no contact between Taylor Lorenz and Luigi Mangione by phone, text, email, social media, or third parties and a stay-away distance of 1000 yards at all times for a period no fewer than 5 years."
"When the five years are up, just come back and I'll make an extension no questions asked," said Judge Star sympathetically.
At publishing time, Luigi Mangione was seen trashing several letters that were completely covered with playful decorative red hearts with the initials ‘T+L' scribbled in them.
Meet Juan. He came to this country with a dream to commit crime. This is his story.
