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College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut - Article image
Sports · Sep 5, 2026 · 41
College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut

TUSCALOOSA, AL - After putting on a superb performance in the season opener, young college football star Davis Mack began worrying that he could wind ...

Nation Votes To Remove Massachusetts - Article image
U.S. · Sep 5, 2026 · 75
Nation Votes To Remove Massachusetts

WASHINGTON, D.C. - American voters overwhelmingly passed a federal ballot initiative yesterday ordering the removal of Massachusetts from the United S...

Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 64
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...
Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God
Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God
Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God - Featured article image
Theology · Sep 5, 2026 · 71

U.S. - As news broke that the murder trial of Lindsay Clancy would end in a mistrial, Heaven released a statement reminding everyone that justice is s...

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Article image
Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 65
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...

Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 65
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Featured article image
JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 64
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...

Subscriber Headlines

Spain To Deport Citizens Protesting Illegal Immigration

Sep 3, 2026 | AmirFauda


Atheist Parents Ask Family Friend To Be Their Kids’ Nothingfather

Aug 26, 2026 | The Bat Knight


“Life Is Too Hard” States Man Deciding Which Of His 30 Pairs Of Sneakers To Wear

Aug 27, 2026 | LilSebastian

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Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film - Article image
Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film
Entertainment · Sep 4, 2026 · 60
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism - Article image
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism
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Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air - Article image
Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air
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Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her - Article image
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her
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State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity - Article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 96
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity

U.S. - The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang - Article image
The Bee Explains · Sep 2, 2026 · 191
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang

Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put...
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans - Article image
Sports · Sep 4, 2026 · 51
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and w...
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian - Article image
Sports · Sep 3, 2026 · 86
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian

JUPITER, FL - A Florida court suspended golf legend Tiger Woods' driver's license for five years after an investigation determined that he is half-Asi...

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Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab - Article image
Politics · Sep 3, 2026 · 64
Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab

NEW YORK, NY - Governor Kathy Hochul desperately tried to warn New Yorkers that Republicans were taking away women's rights, but no one in the room co...
Progressive Church To Allow Mail-In Attendance - Article image
Church · Sep 3, 2026 · 69
Progressive Church To Allow Mail-In Attendance

PORTLAND, ME - Progressive local church First United Methodist of Portland announced that it would now be offering a mail-in attendance option for its...
Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam - Article image
Education · Sep 1, 2026 · 77
Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam

MEDINA, OH - In a terribly unlucky break, local sixth-grader Mackenzie Warner completely flunked her geography test after President Trump renamed ever...
Sauron Insists He Only Tried To Enslave All Of Middle-Earth Because He Was Suffering From Postpartum Depression - Article image
Health · Sep 2, 2026 · 43
Sauron Insists He Only Tried To Enslave All Of Middle-Earth Because He Was Suffering From Postpartum Depression

BARAD-DÛR, MORDOR - Accused of attempting to enslave all the free peoples of Middle-earth and cover the land with darkness, the Dark Lord Sauron expla...

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'Not All Calls For Genocide Are Bad,' Say Ivy League Presidents Sporting Cool New Mustaches - Article image
Education · Dec 6, 2023 · 159
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In testimony before the United States Congress, Ivy League presidents showed off nice new mustaches while explaining to House membe...
Beto Drops Out Of Race To Spend More Time Taking Guns From His Family - Article image
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In Bold Anti-Trump Statement, Pelosi Rips Up Bible - Article image
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Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project - Article image
Premium · Aug 31, 2026 · 73
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project

Salutations, intrepid subscribers!
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed - Article image
Premium · Aug 27, 2026 · 76
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed

The Bee editors have waded forth through the seas of satire and are prepared to announce the headline challenge winner. Congratulations to @dontslowth...
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Premium · Aug 24, 2026 · 106
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines

Amid the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Trump wanted to share some recent headlines that he really enjoyed. Can you write ...
Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See? - Article image
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Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See?

A good morning to you all, our fearless band of intrepid subscribers!

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