PORTLAND, OR — Even people with the most secure jobs in booming industries reported feeling the widespread financial squeeze, with one local Tesla bomber forced to take a second job as a Bernie Sanders rally attendee.
Devin Hansbrough, a successful Tesla dealership firebomber, said that while gigs for George Soros and various NGOs have been steady, they aren't enough anymore. He now works a side job being paid to attend Bernie rallies to pull in extra income.
"Every little bit of money helps," he said. "I had my biggest month of bombing Teslas ever in March, but with how expensive everything is these days, it just made sense for me to pick up a part-time job going to Bernie rallies just to make ends meet. Fortunately, I enjoy both jobs, so it's not too much of a hassle."
Hansbrough explained that he now supplements his nightly bombing raids on Tesla locations with weekend trips to Bernie Sanders's public appearances. "It keeps me busy," he said. "I'll wake up around noon in my parents' basement, spend a few hours making Molotov cocktails, do some surveillance on the next Tesla dealership I've been given directions to vandalize, torch some Cybertrucks, and plan my travel to Bernie's next speaking engagement to pick up another paycheck. It's not a bad gig, plus it helps me pay for my soy lattes and avocado toast."
Hansbrough said that the added compensation from the Sanders campaign was helpful to pay for firebomb materials. "Gas prices are getting better, but it's still an expense," he said.
At publishing time, Hansbrough had contacted the Sanders campaign to let them know he would miss this weekend's rally due to being arrested on charges of domestic terrorism related to last week's Tesla bombing.
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