Zephaniah Tired Of His Parents Asking Why He’s Not A Major Prophet Yet
Theology · Aug 5, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

JUDAH — Zephaniah, described by authorities as a "minor prophet" is tired of being asked by his overbearing parents when he'll become a major prophet, sources say.

"Sweetie, are you gonna be a minor prophet your whole life?" said his mother. "The money's so much better if you're a major prophet. You're much more likely to meet a lovely wife if you're making major prophet money. I want grandchildren!"

"Ughhh Mom! I work for King Josiah, ok?" said the frustrated Zephaniah. "He's a really godly king so there's really not much prophecy work to do these days. Gosh!"

The minor prophet's father Cushi is also frustrated with his son's lack of ambition. "I just wish the boy had a little bit more drive," he said. "You know, like Isaiah or Daniel. Those guys were top performers! I know he could get there if he just applied himself. At this rate, his book of the Old Testament will be only, like, three chapters that no one will ever read!"

At publishing time, Zephaniah was cited by King Josiah's counsel for being late to the weekly prophecy meeting.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job:

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more guffaw-inducing chucklefests!

Comments

There are 119 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.