SAN DIEGO, CA — NASCAR will celebrate Pride month this year by featuring its first all-Subaru race at the Navy 250 in San Diego.
Feeling that being hosted at a Navy base was not quite gay enough, NASCAR officials decided to up the ante by requiring all entrants drive a Subaru station wagon with at least 17 bumper stickers.
"Now that's what I call 'Pride'," said NASCAR CEO Steve O'Donnell. "There will be little sailor outfits, Subarus, and 'It's Raining Men' blasting on the loudspeakers. We're going all in this year. The crews are going to all do the 'YMCA' with every pit stop, and we'll cut the bottoms right off of those leather driver uniforms. Woo Pride!"
In addition to Subaru, several zoos, animal shelters, and hair salons will also be featured as title sponsors. "The fans are going to love seeing 40 Subarus with roof racks doing 87 mph with excellent traction," said NASCAR official Billy Gerken as he prepared for the race. "The hum of that 2.5-liter engine is going to really knock 'em back in their seats. 'Ope! Almost forgot to set out everyone's mandatory 'COEXIST' bumper sticker."
At publishing time, NASCAR had announced that in lieu of the traditional champagne shower, the winner would be doused in bubble bath and handed a bottle of Rosé.
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