MARTINSBURG, WV - Garrett Strauman was a normal, all-American ideologue. He had deep animosity for political opponents, outrageous bumper stickers, typed long, profanity-laden comments on the Facebook posts of his enemies, doxxed teenagers, and walked in lock-step with his own party's views without ever having considered the views of those he despised. Things couldn't be better. But one day, like the proverbial "RKO out of nowhere," Strauman's life took a shocking turn. "I started watching videos of people having constructive conversations on a wide range of topics. That's when it all went south."

Garrett slipped on a virtual banana peel and fell down the YouTube rabbit hole - a tunnel-like vortex in which a hellish cornucopia of videos brainwash viewers with people having lengthy, productive conversations on a wide range of topics. These "civil discussions" are deviously formed propaganda to trick the youth and rob them of their ignorance.

"I used to hate gay people," Strauman said with a tear in his eye. "Then I started watching Dave Rubin. My whole identity is in tatters."

"I started watching videos of people having constructive conversations on a wide range of topics. That's when it all went south."

Rubin is just one example of the right-wing extremism that is sucking rabbits and children into the clandestine tornado vortex of YouTube mind control. While he claims to be politically liberal on many issues, he regularly has right-wing guests on his show and doesn't even murder them on the spot. "Rubin films his show in his garage," said Guy Ouifaund who used to work in the covert mind-wiping division at Google and YouTube. "There is no better place to do something sensible, like surprise attack a right-winger with a chainsaw and clean up all the evidence. Instead, he has civil conversations with these people, treating them like human beings."

"I used to hate gay people," Strauman said with a tear in his eye. "Then I started watching Dave Rubin. My whole identity is in tatters."

But Dave Rubin is only the tip the YouTube iceberg, which - beneath the surface - is nothing but one big Nazi popsicle ripe for the licking. Consider Jordan Peterson - a so-called college professor - who regularly encourages people to engage in extremist acts like straightening their lives out and finding meaning in the universe. "It is not the job of a college professor to be indoctrinating people with ideas like how to think clearly or to consider various arguments," said Professor Libby of Dartfac University. "He should be doing real scholarly work, like shrieking at the White House while both naked and stoned."

Even niche podcaster Joe Rogan - who disguises himself as a liberal by smoking weed - is secretly an alt-right-perpendicular misogynistic racist Nazi shill for Zionists who regularly has on guests from various walks of life, perpetuating the fanatical delusion that ideas are worth talking about. Rogan, who is well-trained in martial arts, has had several conservatives on his show and has not once used that opportunity to rear-naked-choke the life out of any of them. 

"It is not the job of a college professor to be indoctrinating people with ideas like how to think clearly...[Jordan Peterson] should be doing real scholarly work, like shrieking at the White House, while both naked and stoned."

The list goes on. One YouTube deep-dive will send you into a cybernetic hall of horrors that would make the brain of Jeffry Dahmer seem like an episode of Sesame Street. Black conservatives on the rise. Fleccas convincing a college student to admit "Trump's not that bad," liberal Bridget Phetasy having a heart-to-heart with Glenn Beck about addiction, Jonathan Haidt citing studies about college campuses that don't paint them as spotless utopian wonderlands, Steven Crowder having long, polite conversations with people he doesn't agree with. People from the left not clinging rabidly to identity politics, conservatives denouncing the alt-right.

Rogan, who is well-trained in martial arts, has had several conservatives on his show and has not once used that opportunity to rear-naked-choke the life out of any of them.

What will YouTube do to change all of this? Follow the money. YouTube won't stop posting this whirlpool of racism and hate as long as they are making millions off of these channels they regularly demonetize. 

Strauman's story is but one in a sea of untold billions. What's the answer? "Maybe this will all blow over and we'll go back to the old ways where everyone just reads The New York Times and accepts every word as Holy Scripture," Strauman said with a twinkle in his eye. "As long as people are speaking openly about issues rather than closing themselves off in their little bubble, sadly, it seems those days are over."