LOS ANGELES, CA — A local man had his entire worldview radically altered today, coming to a revelatory new conclusion on geopolitical affairs after being stuck in traffic for three hours due to protesters blocking the freeway.
"You know, these fine citizens may really have a point and I'd like to learn more about their cause," said Jeff Garrison as he sat behind the wheel of his car in gridlock traffic on the way to LAX. "So what if I missed my flight back home to visit family for what will likely be Grandma's last holiday season? My mind has been enlightened! Thank you, traffic-blocking protesters!"
Garrison was planning to fly to his parents' home in the Midwest to ring in the New Year but found himself sitting in his car for several hours on the 405 freeway while a group of pro-Palestine protesters sat across all lanes of traffic. "This is truly a brilliant tactic," he said. "I never would have considered their viewpoint before, but now that they have completely ruined my plans and made my life more difficult, I'm far more inclined to agree with them."
The protesters were reportedly pleased with their foolproof strategy of making everyone mad at them. "It's such an intelligent way to get our point across," said one protester. "There's nothing that will make people more willing to listen to us than making their lives more difficult and getting them really, really angry."
At publishing time, experts agreed the path to world peace would likely be paved with traffic-blocking protesters.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.