SANTEE, CA - Worship leader Zed "Pokinatcha" Paulson was tragically struck dead Sunday morning for lying. His fib? He told the congregation at Sunspring Community Church "we're going to sing this bridge just one more time."
"Let's sing that again!" he shouted excitedly after the seventeenth repetition of the bridge to a popular modern worship song. "We're going to sing that bridge just one more time, people! Come on, fam, let's gooooooooo!"
Just then, a lightning bolt from the heavens pierced the roof of the sanctuary and struck him dead. The bass player, keyboardist, drummer, and 7 background singers were forced to carry the rest of the song as the custodial staff came on stage and dragged Paulson's lifeless corpse offstage to be disposed of along with all the other worship leaders who had been struck dead for the same sin.
"Do not grieve the Almighty," said theologian Dr. Pete Middleston. "It's clear from the Scriptures that lying to the people of God can result in your immediate and painful death. Remember Ananias and Sapphira? This is no different. Their lie was about money, this man's lie was about how many more times the congregation would sing the bridge."
The theologian went on to suggest that perhaps the Lord was telling them something about the importance of worshiping Him in truth.
"Or perhaps the Lord was simply sick of singing the bridge to that Hillsong tune for the thousandth time."
At publishing time, sources at the church had confirmed that their lead pastor had also been struck dead after claiming he was almost done preaching.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.