Women are super awesome and come with so many cool features. We at the Babylon Bee conducted extensive research and consulted with scientific experts to come up with just a few of the many reasons why women are totally great:
They smell nice: Like fruit and spring meadows and something called lavender.
They're soft: And very, very few of them have beards.
They remind you it's your brother's birthday: Studies show this is the only way to remember.
They sometimes wear dresses and it makes them look like a flower: Plus, just look at how pretty her eyes are.
Sometimes you can hold hands with them: Every now and then, they might even agree to go to dinner with you.
They laugh at your jokes and it makes you feel all good and stuff: Even if you're not the slightest bit funny.
Their faces are super great to look at: Such a cool feature.
They know where things are: Your socks and car keys would be lost forever without her.
They aren't dudes: This is easily the best thing about women.
And those are just a few of the many, many reasons that women are really cool. Now go find a woman (preferably one who knows you) and tell her she's awesome.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
