WASHINGTON, D.C. — A woman judge has ruled that being late is "totally fine."
In one of the most predictable rulings in years, a lady judge wrote in the majority opinion that it's okay to run late because women might need to powder their noses or do other woman things.
"We as a society must allow for being late because sometimes women have to change dresses or re-curl their hair," explained lady judge Amy Coney Barrett. "America cannot be governed by the rigid tyranny of calendars or clocks, but instead must follow the needs of females who are trying to decide what top looks most slimming."
Justice Barrett cited legal expert and country music artist Shania Twain in her ruling. "As Ms. Twain famously wrote, 'I can be late for a date, that's fine. But he better be on time.' We cannot stray from the powerful precedent set by Ms. Twain," wrote Barrett. "Say we are supposed to go vote, but our eyebrows don't look good, and we need to go to the lady beauty place and get our eyebrows done. In the words of the great scholar Britney Spears, 'It's my prerogative.'"
At publishing time, the release of the majority opinion had been delayed because the lady judges needed to finish doing their nails.
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