GREENVILLE, SC — Local woman Ashlynn Bagley began to suspect that her husband did all his Christmas shopping yesterday after she opened a present containing a can of Dinty Moore beef stew.
Bagley had high hopes for Christmas after spending intentional time with her husband making wish lists, but those dreams were dashed across the hard aluminum of Dinty Moore.
"STEW?" exclaimed Bagley, her eyes narrowing at her husband. "You got me STEW?"
"Not just stew. Dinty Moore stew," replied her husband Chris. "Last time we had this a few months back, you said you liked it. Aren't you happy that I remembered?"
Despite being presented with a clear recollection of her own words, Mrs. Bagley was not, in fact, happy that he remembered. Nor was she happy after being reminded that Dinty Moore is a classic, hearty meal by Hormel, packed with real carrots and twelve grams of protein.
"No, Chris, I don't care that Dinty Moore's recall for having wood chips in the stew is over. You just grabbed the first thing you thought of at the grocery store! I wanted earrings, Chris!"
At publishing time, the morning had taken another turn for the worse after Mrs. Bagley opened a container of popcorn seasoning.
These friendly Christian extremists have gotten out of hand.
