U.S. — Male M&M's everywhere rejoiced after the announcement by Mars, Inc. that the female M&M's are getting their own bag. The male M&M's hope this change will finally give them some much sought-after peace and quiet.
According to sources, the red, yellow, blue, and orange M&M's are hoping this means they can finally get a little rest and relaxation, lounge around all day, and just hang out with the bros without being nagged to death.
"Yeah! Um, 'Empowered Women Empower Women' or whatever it is, right guys?!" said the Red M&M. "It's more important than ever to support women and give them their own space and stuff. And... I guess us boys having our own bag to stretch out in that's chatter and drama-free is pretty nice too."
When asked for comment, the Orange M&M described his experience so far without the female M&M's in the bag. "It's amazing in here now! We're free to snore, no need to clean up after ourselves or put the seat back down, and I can manspread as much as I want!" said Orange. "We should have pushed for all this female empowerment stuff years ago!"
At publishing time, the male M&M's were "kinda, sorta" starting to miss the girls again as life in the bag was starting to smell, everyone was getting hungry, and they needed a little help taking care of the Minis.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
