HUNDRED ACRE WOOD — Local bear Winnie the Pooh has reportedly been left completely destitute after Trump enacted 150% tariffs on the Hundred Acre Wood earlier this week.
According to noted economist "Owl", Trump's tariffs are proving an insurmountable economic barrier for residents of the Hundred Acre Wood, who depend heavily on exporting plush toys and greeting cards to the United States.
"Poor bear hasn't a drop of honey left," reported Owl. "Trump's tariffs have hit Pooh hard. We have very low manufacturing costs here in the Hundred Acre Wood, but we have very few natural resources and a limited service sector. We dearly hope Christopher Robin can somehow reach Mr. Trump to plead our case."
"B-b-b-b-b-but the tar-r-r-r-iffs aren't all - all that bad," shivered Piglet, who has been evicted from his home after rising tariffs made it impossible for him to continue trading in haycorns. "Maybe it'll b-b-b-b-be better soon."
Trump reportedly targeted the Hundred Acre Wood with heavy tariffs due to a massive trade deficit with the tiny nation. "The Hundred Acre Wood has treated us so badly, it's terrible," said Trump. "They have shown a total lack of respect to the world markets. We have the BEST HONEY made by the BEST HONEYBEES! Until they agree to start buying from the good ol' USA, we are not negotiating. STAND FIRM!!"
At publishing time, peace had been restored after Christopher Robin had reminded Trump that the Hundred Acre Wood was just a figment of his imagination.
Meet Juan. He came to this country with a dream to commit crime. This is his story.
