NATCHEZ, MS — Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett was seen smoking a corncob pipe and playing a ditty on her banjo as she drifted down the mighty Mississippi River on her way to purchase a fresh shipment of Mexican slaves.
According to sources, Crockett made her way to the nearby Forks in the Road where she hoped to buy some Hispanic slaves at auction.
"I'm looking for cotton pickers," Crockett said when asked what her business was in town. "If we gon' make the South mighty again, I need more of those Latinos to work the fields. They gon' love Dixie Land."
Mexicans, which Crockett says are known for their hard work ethic and strong backs, make the best cotton pickers because they'll do anything to stay in America. "No one here wants to be a slave no mo'," said Crockett when confronted by a conservative abolitionist. "Who gon' work the farms so that you can have cheap food? My slaves, that's who. Mexican slave labor is what makes the Confeder -- excuse me, makes America strong."
At publishing time, Representative Jasmine Crockett had started sailing the Potomac to sell her slaves to fellow Democrats looking for cheap labor.
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