BYRON, MN—Local husband Brendan Matthews called the Wife Supremacy Hotline early this morning to submit a complaint about his wife Cindy.
Matthews claimed that his wife, who he has suspected of wife supremacy for over a year now, was taking up about three-quarters of the bed, and had been doing so since the couple first laid down at 10 p.m.
“He told me his wife was laying on her back with her arms and legs spread out, kind of like she was making a snow angel,” a Wife Supremacy Hotline operator reported. “We knew right away that this was wife supremacy.”
Matthews had a few more complaints for the operator, so he just let it all out at four in the morning.
“I always knew she was a wife supremacist,” Matthews complained. “She’s always making me get the door for her; it’s always her that decides which pictures we hang up in ANY room in the house; and when we go on dates, guess who’s the driver? ME! Yup, because I’m just a poor little man who only knows how to drive a car and drill holes in the wall.”
"She is literally colonizing my existence," he said, breaking down in tears.