SANTA FE, NM — Local woman Amber Rhodes suddenly snapped out of a deep, seven-month coma today, at the exact moment her husband booted up his PlayStation.
"Oh hey, what are you doing?" said Mrs. Rhodes after a quick yawn. "What, um, what little game were you going to play while I was clinging to life?"
An exasperated Mr. Rhodes protested that he had barely left her side for seven months, he was quickly drowned out by the introductory cut scene from Modern Warfare II. "I haven't turned this thing on until today, I promise!" pleaded Mr. Rhodes. "The hours sitting here at the hospital were just getting so long, I thought I would try connecting it to the TV. Baby, you've got to believe me!"
Doctors hailed the miraculous recovery as a potential breakthrough for modern medicine. "We have never seen anything produce such a remarkable spike of neurologic activity, though so far the effect seems exclusive to married women," reported critical care specialist Dr. Stan Makowski. "We have woken a dozen women now out of comas by having their husbands simply boot up a PlayStation in the general vicinity. It's incredible."
At publishing time, Dr. Makowski reported that women asking to go shoe shopping had been found highly effective at inducing comas in their husbands.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
