KENNEWICK, WA — This week, Courtney Lindeen presented her husband Aaron with a bold and innovative plan to solve the family's consumer debt burden. Her proposal included $5,000 of spending per month at Target, which she explained would help lower the family's debt.
"If approved, the ‘Household Debt Reduction Act' will set us on a trajectory to generate over $500,000 in new top-line revenue – the initial investment will be offset over the long term!" Sources confirm that Courtney unveiled the full plan in a series of slides, demonstrating her mantra that "You have to spend money to make money!"
After closing out her presentation and opening up for questions, Courtney fielded objections from her husband, including his pressing on how spending money would save money. She explained that the name of the plan was "Household Debt Reduction Act," helping ensure that even increased expenditure would reduce debt.
"I'm just not following – if we got into debt from overspending at Target, how could more spending at Target cut the debt?" Aaron Lindeen later confirmed that he regretted asking, as he quickly became educated about the dire consequences if he did not execute the proposed plan, including the deaths of thousands, the end of the earth, and a 50% reduction in trail mix and new furniture in the house.
At publishing time, Aaron Lindeen had demonstrated leadership by agreeing to his wife's plan, though not before requesting amendments for golf gear earmarks. The earmarks were not included in the final version of the bill.
Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.