U.S. — According to reports from several sources, the President's poll numbers are —
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Is that girl over there reading a KING JAMES BIBLE? DAAAAAAANG! I would maintain my purity and ask her father's permission for the chance to court that girl in a chaste and honorable way.
Man. She is really cute. Her teeth are like a flock of sheep... if you know what I mean. And her hair... it's like a flock of goats that lie along the side of Mount Gilead... if you know what I mean.
And what's that? Is she reading Deuteronomy? This beautiful creature doesn't mess around.
And wait... do my eyes deceive me, or is she clothed with strength and dignity? DAAAAAAAAANG!
I have to talk to her.
Maybe I should go over there and be all like, "Hey girl, I see you have the only infallible Bible translation. Would you like to meditate upon it in the night watches with me?"
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Ope, wait a minute. She just pulled out a Joyce Meyer book... ABORT ABORT ABORT.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
