U.S. — According to reports from several sources, the President's poll numbers are —
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Is that girl over there reading a KING JAMES BIBLE? DAAAAAAANG! I would maintain my purity and ask her father's permission for the chance to court that girl in a chaste and honorable way.
Man. She is really cute. Her teeth are like a flock of sheep... if you know what I mean. And her hair... it's like a flock of goats that lie along the side of Mount Gilead... if you know what I mean.
And what's that? Is she reading Deuteronomy? This beautiful creature doesn't mess around.
And wait... do my eyes deceive me, or is she clothed with strength and dignity? DAAAAAAAAANG!
I have to talk to her.
Maybe I should go over there and be all like, "Hey girl, I see you have the only infallible Bible translation. Would you like to meditate upon it in the night watches with me?"
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Ope, wait a minute. She just pulled out a Joyce Meyer book... ABORT ABORT ABORT.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
