WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden announced Wednesday that, starting in September, booster shots will be available for the vaccinated. His plan is that after eight months of getting vaccinated, everyone will get a booster. And then eight months after that, another. And so on. As part of this, Biden unveiled the new slogan: "15 Boosters to Stop the Spread."

"It's time to end this pandemic," Biden said, "and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel - a light that comes after just fifteen more jabs. But if everyone cooperates and gets a booster every eight months, we could have this pandemic over as soon as... well... 2031."

Biden said that it is critical that everyone gets all fifteen booster shots and continues to mask and social distance until they have. And once that happens, the pandemic will be officially over. "We guarantee it this time," Biden said with a wink. "I hope you enjoy a pandemic-free world because I'll most likely be long, long dead by the time it happens."

Biden did warn that this plan will take full cooperation because if some people don't get vaccinated or don't get all their boosters or don't mask, fifteen boosters may not be enough. "We don't want everyone to have to get a sixteenth booster shot," Biden said. "That would be crazy."