WASHINGTON, DC — The White House was lit up with the colors of a fanatical cult this week, officially signaling the Biden Administration's establishment of a new state-sponsored religion. The move has received both widespread applause and serious concerns about the First Amendment implications.
"This is a great day for our nation," President Joe Biden said at the lighting ceremony. "We have finally progressed enough that we can implement our official national religion and put it on full display here at the White House. And just look at the pretty colors, folks."
Mainstream media sources hailed the move as a significant victory in the crusade for inclusivity and acceptance of all people, except for anyone who disagrees, in which case dissidents should be removed from society. Critics, however, questioned whether the adoption of an official national religion violates the First Amendment. "Establishing a religion in no way violates the Consitution's mandate that the government not establish a religion," said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Any questions regarding this issue will be considered bigoted, racist, and other horrible things I can't think of right now."
Republican lawmakers vowed to raise opposition to the administration's move. "The government simply cannot mandate a national religion," said Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky. "This a dangerous precedent to set."
At publishing time, the Biden administration was believed to be in discussions to require all churches in the country to follow suit and be lit up with the same colors in a show of solidarity with the new State Religion.
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