TEHRAN — The newly-minted Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei tragically died this morning after being accidentally left out in the rain.
As an unseasonal rainstorm blew through Tehran, horrified Iranian officials suddenly realized they had left Khamenei still propped up outside. They rushed to his side, only to discover his body already crumpled and his head completely separated from his body.
"We were too late," sobbed Iranian government aide Farid Asadi. "Our poor Ayatollah, all soggy and torn. Life is so fragile, you know? Israel claims another life. Darn you, Jews and your weather machine!"
According to government sources, officials are planning to upgrade the next Ayatollah to a wax figure. "We tried papier-mâché, but that Ayatollah met a terrible end when they tried to give him a bath," explained Asadi. "There are those 'Louis Toussad's Wax Museum' places, those people last for years. With 'Wax Khamenei' at the helm, we will finally be prepared to destroy the Great Satan once and for all!"
At publishing time, "Wax Khamenei" had sadly melted after a bizarre heat wave struck Tehran. IDF soldiers were later photographed high-fiving as they retrieved their Jewish weather-control machine.
The news media seems to be having a problem reporting the news.
