WASHINGTON, D.C. - First Lady Jill Biden has announced that the White House has welcomed a new pet, a cat named Willow. Initial reports indicate that things are not going quite as planned from Willow's perspective, as she is blamed for all the messes on the Oval Office carpet.
"What on Earth is that foul odor in here?!" said Chief Of Staff Ronald Klain walking into the Oval Office. "It smells absolutely horrific!"
"Oh um, well see, that's just our uh new cat Willow," said Biden nervously trying to cover up the considerably large stain for a young kitten. "We've been trying to potty train her, but she just keeps having accidents. What can you do? Heh!"
Despite only living in the Oval Office for a few days, Willow has already been blamed for numerous "accidents" on the Oval Office carpet. Some of Willow's messes have even occurred when she wasn't even around the Oval Office that day.
Sources claim that while Willow was initially honored and excited about being the White House's First Feline Of The United States, the cat is now suspecting she's just there as a scapegoat.
At publishing time, Willow had somehow managed to ruin the carpet on Air Force One.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.